That's Life

2003-01-08T02:22:00.000-08:00

I have half a mind of transferring to another blogging service. I just hope I'll find another. The news of a virus warning alarmed me.

2002-12-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

You are looking at a PROUD LASALLIAN RIGHT HERE!!!

I'm happy to proclaim to the whole blogging world that I passed in my most favorite university this side of the country. I have a school! I HAVE A SCHOOL! WAHOO!!!

2002-12-22T18:20:00.000-08:00

Where memories were forged...

2002-12-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

*blissfully happy mode ON*
First, the schedule:
Ages before December 21 - IV-5 was planning a trip to Enchanted Kingdom after the exams.
Dec 13, 8 days before Dec 21 - The plans were finalized
Dec 16-18, few more days before Dec 21 - exams
Dec 19, 2 days til Dec 21 - intrams. Everytime a team in tug-of-war, patintero, tiyakad, basketball, volleyball, or chess won, the class would shout EK! EK! EK!! Unfortunately, a lot of people backed out.
Dec 20, isang tulog na lang!!! - Only 11 people were confirmed to go. We were disappointed, but what the heck. EK pa rin!!

December 21, the fateful day.
I was the one assigned for transportation. I fetched them from McDonald's in Retiro at 8:30 am, and off we go! All throughout the ride, we never ran out of stories, comments, and plans to say. The van was seldom quiet.

And so we went, cruising along the south expressway, stopping at a gas station (to wait for the others who were coming from another side of Metro Manila. They were LATE! We ended up having breakfast at Starbucks. Eventually, it was decided that we'll meet in EK because one of us needed to buy tickets. Ngwek ngwek ngwek...), and cruising again. When we caught sight of the large ferris wheel (called Wheel of Fate, but we kept calling it Wheel of Fortune. Bwahaahhaha), excitement went to peak level.

We waited under the blazingly hot sun for the others. Threats went from kicks to disembowelment to roasting on an open fire, but the joy in seeing them at last was indescribable.

The first ride: Space Shuttle. What a warm up! You would have thought we would ride some of the "tamer" attractions, like the great big carousel or the bump cars, but NO. My death-seeking classmates chose to ride the big snake that would pull you up from the ground veeery slowly and then letting you go to negotiate those great hoops and twists on your own. But it won't stop there. You would end up on the same incline that pulled you up in the first place. It would pull you up again, this time backwards.

There were two official first-timers in our group of 11. Two were first-timers in the Space Shuttle. We went down, our hair in wild disarray, but we were still smiling.

Next ride: The Jungle Log Jam. I chose to ride in the middle so that I won't get THAT wet. Let the water come to the one before me. Bwahahahaha (I AM very bad sometimes). Compared to the Space Shuttle, this ride (you float along a narrow river with a great current. And then you are pulled up several feet from the ground on a steep slope and then almost pushed down the watery slope to the track below. This would cause the water to splatter: sidewards, front, to you, etc) was chicken feed.

Next was the Anchors Away. There's a great big ship that would act like a pendulum and sway sidewards until your seated body is almost parallel to the ground. (in short, at your highest point, if you look straight ahead, you will see the ground, provided that you're at the very edge of the boat).

A bit queasy, but still not dizzy, we decided to try the Roller Skater. This was a kiddie roller coaster, so you won't really have to go through hoops here. Strangely enough, this was when my classmates and I went to the first aid to get ammonia to nurse our dizzy heads. It was a good thing the nurse didn't ask what our last ride was. We laughed our way out of the first aid station, thinking of the possible answers ("we got sooo dizzy in the Grand Carousel, it was hell...")

We squeezed ourselves into a 15-seater commuter van and ate a delicious lunch of adobo, lechon manok and rice. After that, we tried our luck in shooting hoops. In the first game, I scored 29 points in one minute (the high score was 82). In the second game, I scored 44 points. The highest scorer in our group came up with 49 points.

When we felt that our stomachs had settled down a bit, we went to the Rialto. There was an *extremely* long line there, so some of us went to the nearby store to inspect henna tattoos. I have one. It's a black rose with leaves and thorns. I think it suits me perfectly. But before I could get myself under the needle (just joking ma!) we were ushered into the dark theater.

The Rialto is like this: They show you a picture on screen, and you are the protagonist. Be it fighting aliens, bombing stations, escaping dinosaurs, it depends. But the thing is the seats also move corresponding to the movement on screen. In short, you are made to feel that you are really there. (a lot of pictures show the ships turning over. none of that happened to our seats though. Awww...).

This had to be the most boring ride, however. I watched the film already, and I can't help thinking that the driver was stupid. Ergo, I was also stupid. I kept bumping to large asteroids and protrusions. But at least I was able to move through large turbines. Cool...

After the Rialto, we found out that one of our classmates (who came with her family. But she said she'll break away from them for a while and join us) was already there. We hugged her as if we didn't see her just the day before (that was Saturday, remember?) and then the group split into 2. 5 of us went to the henna store to get ourselves tainted, er, painted, while the other 7 went to the Space Shuttle.

We had to wait for an hour for the henna to dry, but we couldn't contain ourselves. We rode the Flying Fiesta (several swings connected to one large machine that swings them around) for the wind to dry our tattoos.

Next we went to the Rio Grande, a ride that would surely get you wet, no matter how and where in the large balloon-like boat you sit. In our two consecutive rides, I went under the falls. Wonderful. I took a bath already, thank you very much. The water was slimy and dull. Yuck. Thank goodness my bag was waterproof.

We rode the Anchors Away again, and prepared to go home. It was already 10:00 pm. We were waiting for the fireworks, but my aunt was asking us to go home already. Nevertheless, we saw the fireworks. It was beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, wonderful. We were spellbound by the magic of Enchanted Kingdom. (The fireworks display was labeled "A Concert in the Sky". Normally I would have thought it cheesy but the name was well worth it.) After the fireworks, we had to say our goodbyes to our classmate who was still staying with her family, and to our two other classmates who were not joining us in the ride home.

I dropped them off at a house. No words could express the gratitude that was in our eyes because of a beautiful day.

I forgot to mention something. I was running a fever during that time in Enchanted Kingdom. But that didn't stop me from enjoying every moment. I also proved that my friends (note the change from classmates to friends) cared for me when they kept asking if I can carry on.

By the end of the evening, my fever was gone. It was true that Laughter is the best medicine.

Kada EK: Dianne, DJ, Jing, Lissa, Macap, Magge, Monette, Nikki, Reg, Riezl, Sheena... how can I ever forget you... - Yot

*is still blissfully happy*

2002-12-13T23:50:00.000-08:00

*is experiencing the dreaded BLOCK*

Having writer's block is painful. It's like having constipation of the brain, as Jessica Zafra had put in one of her Twisted articles. I know exactly what she means. I can't get my ideas out. I want to write a really good story but I can't. I already have the plot [thank goodness] but I can't find the words to properly convey the necessary emotion.

I guess I got too carried away with my last fanfiction. Now I'm having a hard time writing again because I'm afraid they won't like it as much as the other one.

Oh no...

*is still experiencing the dreaded BLOCK*

2002-12-11T02:21:00.000-08:00

I went to my friend's house today. That house was what we used when we prepared for our dance production last October. Needless to say, it brought back so much memories. Here's my reflection [we were supposed to make one in our Religion class] about it...

+++
Before “I Will Sing Forever” began, I looked at my classmates. No. They are not just classmates now. They are my friends. All of them.

Our section was announced. As taught by our adviser, friend, second mother, and teacher, we walked with dignity, proclaiming to the world “I am proud to be part of this class”.

Jitters took place. Of course, nothing can take away the nervousness at first. But the music began, and my nerves just melted away with the music. I’ve done this for the nth time, why should I be shy now?

There was a formation when my position was parallel to one of our choreographers’. Both of us contributed a lot, I, some of the storyline, she, the actions portraying the storyline.

Our eyes met. She smiled. I smiled too. The happiness at that moment was sublime, shared only by two kindred souls.

Though the whole dance did not go as we would have liked, we were proud of ourselves. The crowd’s cheers were deafening. At least, I can gush and say, “You liked us! You really really liked us!”

We went to the classroom as instructed. Every one of us heaved a sigh of relief. Tapos na.

But when the winners were announced, we felt very deprived. We only garnered 1st runner-up best costume, which, for me, at least, was the lowest award to be given to anyone. I’m not sourgraping, in fact, I applaud the winners. They deserve to win!

I confirmed it. It is the lowest award given. The teachers were just being nice and gave names to the ranks so there won't be any sore feelings. But I think it was more cruel than just announcing the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd placers.

We returned to the classroom and cried as one class. Our adviser gave us words of comfort, saying that in the hearts of those who watched, we deserve a higher place.

When we went out of the classroom that day, our hearts still heavy, the realization struck me. Tapos na.

Suddenly I yearned for those afternoons when we would stay in school just to practice. Sometimes, the director, choreographers, and I, the scriptwriter, will proceed to a nearby house to further enhance the dance. Most of us got home at 8:00 in the evening, beat and tired.

Suddenly, I remembered the very first dance production meeting, when I, together with the director and another gifted classmate, came together to formulate a storyline.

I remembered our first meeting as a class, when we were introduced to our costumes. I remember them whole-heartedly agreeing, even making some suggestions to further beautify the costume.

I remembered giving my whole self, each free time I had, each effort left in my body for the betterment of the dance production. I remember my sacrifices, and how some of those aren’t really recognized.

I remembered the practices, when the whole class will come together in one place and share the same breath, the same location, the same goal: To prove that IV-5 is worth something BIG.

I remembered the fights that ensued, the many problems of our directors, the many changes that happened.

The bonding of the class.

I remembered the Saturday before the Family Day, when we all met in one place and made our headdresses as one class. Then, we went to Lourdes Church to pray. Then, we went to a nearby restaurant and ate.

As one class. Always as one class.

Before the dance production, we sought solace in one another. We sought solace in God. After the event, even more so. Only our fellow classmates will understand what we are going through.

Right now, after everything has passed, I look back. I’ve realized something:

I wouldn’t trade my class for any amount of victory in the whole world.
++++++

2002-12-10T04:03:00.000-08:00

I made this D/H fanfic and posted it over the Internet. I also showed it to some of my Hp-crazy classmates. They liked it! *skips with happiness*

This made me want to do more. But the problem is, I don't know what to do!

2002-12-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

*is having writer's block*

I need a plotttt!!!

Ever feel that you have this urge to do something, but the major problem is that you don't know what to do?

I want to write, but I don't know what to write about!!! Certainly it would be a fanfiction. Certainly it would involve Draco and Hermione. But I don't have a plot! I need a plot, quick!

*still has writer's block*

2002-12-08T21:31:00.000-08:00

what's your inner flower?

[c] s u g a r d
e w

2002-12-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

Oh, and by the way. My brother gave me the T-Shirt after all. =D

2002-12-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

I've taken too long to post. tsk tsk.

Updates:
Oct 16 = nothing much happened. We still practiced for our interpretative dance.
Oct 27 = we were officially declared losers of our interpretative dance. Is it obvious that I'm still very bitter about this?
Nov 22 = my friends and I watched Harry Potter. I'm still not over it.
Nov 23 = watched Harry Potter again, this time with my relatives. I really can't get over it!

So now I've taken to haunting the net for Draco/Hermione fanfics. *points at the left* see the button? That's from my favorite D/H site.
I still have a lot to do. Micropapers, projects, notes, and other things. *sigh* when will this ever end?

2002-10-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

*surreal mode ON*

I was very irritated to learn that our graduation pictures will be rescheduled to monday. But what the hell, I can't do anything about it anyway.

My birthday is just around the corner... come Wednesday, and I'll be 16!!! *happy happy joy joy*

I still have so much to do... projects, our dance production constumes, our dance production DANCES... We have to reset everything in our dance pro because we aren't satisfied with it. So, most of this *long* weekend goes to formulating formations and dances... *sigh*

I'll sorely miss that t-shirt for my birthday, though... it won't have any value if I just give PhP200 to my brother and buy it for myself...

Aristae's birthday was yesterday! And what did I do yesterday? Basically, I kept my face glued on the computer, finishing projects and micropapers. I wasn't even able to greet him, because there were too many people flooding the PEx area.

Oh, I forgot. I won't be able to greet him anyway. He, or the administrators, disabled his Private Messaging service. I don't want to greet him outright, he might feel awkward. I'd feel awkward too.

And so, our only line of communication was severed.

Why does it always have to be this way?

I miss him so much....

Hah... only line... para namang magkakilala kami di ba?

You know the feeling? Someone, who got related to you in SOME way [I actually sent him a love poem before... he replied, and in his reply I saw that all this attention does not go to his head. He's pretty much down to earth.] and then hearing someone talk about them in a flattering way... you could almost feel being flattered yourself. But then, you could only smile... because there is no other way of reaching him...

How I wanted to sing to him...
Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the future is unclear
I'll be here
I will be here, you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older, I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty, tell all the use you are to me
I will be here
I will be true to the promise i have made to the One who gave you to me

*surreal mode ON*

2002-10-05T05:22:00.000-07:00

*frustrated girl mode ON*

Okay, so the De La Salle Green Archers lost to the Ateneo Blue Eagles in the UAAP Basketball Championship Today.

Okay, so I'm going to take my UST test tomorrow, and then our quarter exams on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and then the Graduation Pictures on Thursday.

Di kaya magmukha akong bruhilda sa Thursday?

It's very irritating... parang gusto ko nang ipukpok yung TV sa pader kanina... Sayang talaga... My brother was going to give me a birthday gift on October 16 in case DLSU won. My brother, who didn't even greet me "Happy Birthday" last year. My brother, who seldom talks to me. My brother, who only calls me when he needs something. My brother, who only speaks to me when he wants to call me 'idyot'. My brother, who, despite all these, is still sweet enough to console me when I have problems. My brother, who told me "Luv you yot." through text messaging. My brother, who wrote me a letter during our retreat saying that He wanted me to tell God "Thank You" because he has a sister like me to make him see his mistakes.

My brother whom I love.

This is his first time to give me a birthday gift. But Ateneo snatched the chance away from me.

I cried yet again.

*frustrated girl mode OFF*

2002-09-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

*fatigued girl mode ON*

Exams are nearing... *sweat sweat*

Ang dami daming isusubmit this week! Ang dami daming gagawin! Sobra na to!

May nagvandal sa isang pinto sa cafeteria namin... "Mamatay na lahat ng nagpapahirap sa buhay ng isang estudyante!"

I know what she's feeling... *sigh*

*fatigued girl mode OFF*

2002-09-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

*sleep-deprived-but-happy girl mode ON*

We had our retreat last wednesday to thursday.

God. It felt really good.

I miss the place already.

We cried all two days long. I guess we took the retreat too seriously. But we're happy. At least we got to understand each other better. It was really a bonding experience for the class.

We still have our retreat hangover. The very next day, Friday, we hugged each other as if we haven't seen each other for some couple of years.

I'm content.

So why didn't I post for a week or so?

Because I can't use the internet. In fact, my inbox is overflowing [with forwarded messages, hehehehe]. I can't use it because I'm waiting for an important call.

I wish to go on a retreat again.

*sleep-deprivd-but-happy girl mode OFF*

2002-09-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

*quiet mode ON*

This feels weird. Last night I was talking blabbing about. Now I feel... nothing.

I took the ACET exam yesterday. Gawd, it was HARD!!!!

And they says DLSU exams are harder... *goes bonkers*

Nakakaloka pa, kasi ang lamig lamig dun kahit walang aircon. Umulan kasi. Tapos mga limang ceiling fan yata yung nandun, kaya parang nakatapat na yung aircon sa iyo. Grabe, sabi nga nung mga kasama ko di na sila makapag-isip sa sobrang lamig. *laugh*

Wala lang... ang saya kahapon kasi nakasakay ako ng jeep sa gabi.

Jeep-riding never fails to give me one heck of a thrill.

*quiet girl mode OFF*

2002-09-11T04:12:00.000-07:00

"Everyday was fun, and I always thought I was happy. But ever so often, there was a fleeting voice...

'Are you really having fun?' it said.

That was inside me... almost like ice that never melted.

But the days passed by. The same quiet, peaceful days.

Why is it?

I felt like something was wrong.

I felt that this tranquility was somehow artificial. Surrounded by classmates, laughing, there were times when I suddenly felt everyone was far away.

On those days I felt afraid.

Because I thought I might not actually be feeling anything.

Even when I was laughing or having fun with my friends, it felt like it all might be just brushing off the surface of my heart, and nothing was really reaching the inside of my heart.

There was an indelible suspicion in my heart that I'm always alone. That there wasn't anyone I could actually call a friend.

I'm actually always alone.

That uncertainty was always within me.

Why do I come to think like that? I'm blessed by many more things than other people.

But the days flowed past. The same quiet, peaceful days that felt like there was nothing there at all..."

---Souichirou Arima, Kareshi Kanojyo no Jijyo Episode 8.5

2002-09-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

*depressed girl mode ON*

I took this morality test. Actually, it was more of a personality test than a morality test because it gave reason somewhat to why I am like that. As usual, I was suprised at the result. How could they read me so well? I guess I want to believe that I'm more complicated than other people, when in fact many others are experiencing the same.

LITTLE JOHN, MARION, ROBIN, SHERIFF:
You are fairly broadminded, romantic, and reasonably contented.
You value kindness greatly and try to live by your ideals. You do
not conceal from yourself, or from others, your strong need for
security, which may be either emotional or material.

(Men) Perhaps you tend to idealize women and credit them with
virtues they don't possess.
(Women) Your experiences of men have not all been happy,
perhaps because you hope for a little too much.

Hala, masama na ito. Nageenglish na naman ako para sabihin yung naiisip ko.

People have no idea how low my self-esteem is. One slip, one slight rejection, one bad word, and I go to pieces. At least I've matured somehow. At least I don't cry myself to sleep every time I am seized by self-pity.

I look around and see other people better than I am. Yes, I know that I am who I am and no one can ever change that, but I feel so... insecure. All around me are people who are more talented, more beautiful, more experienced in public relations, while I remain in the shadows, not to be noticed until someone needs something from me.

I guess if life is really akin to a wheel, I'm on the down side, and the car is parked.

Damn.

*i won't close the depressed girl mode unless I'm really truly not depressed anymore*

2002-09-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

Here's the result of my palmistry... teaken online... I just couldn't remember where... I think it's very accurate

You have a good imagination, and often exhibit sensitivity to others.

You may have trouble concentrating or focusing your attention, especially under stress.

There is a tremendous amount of intensity in your mental processes.

You have so many interests that you may have trouble deciding which ones to pursue. This can make you seem very contradictory, since you are so passionate and sincere about each new idea you embrace.

You are a warm hearted person, with much love to give. You probably like children, and exhibit many playful characteristics.

There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect.

You are naturally charming and inclined to be flirtatious.

Your high energy level and optimistic outlook draw people to you and increase your problem-solving capabilities.

You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

You are likely to make many changes in the direction of your life. This may be based on interruptions due to health problems, or it may be that you just have trouble focusing your energy.

There is a strong intuitive side to your nature, which may border on psychic or mystical ability

That's all. Hope this made you understand me better. *smile*

2002-09-05T06:55:00.000-07:00

2002-09-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

*depressed girl mode ON*

I took this

2002-09-02T02:26:00.000-07:00

TEST FRENZY!!! RUN FOR YOUR SCREEN SPACE!!!

i am extremely intelligent and very wise. i think logically and rhetorically in order to get problems solved. if i'm not mad now, i'm getting very close.

how mad are you?

What is your Alter-Ego
Personality?

this quiz was made by piksy

I knew I was royalty. *lol*

2002-09-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

*happy girl mode ON*

okay, sige, sabi ng friend ko ang drama ko daw dito sa blog ko. I think tama yun. Hehehe. Di naman siguro ako magsusulat dito pag wala akong ibubuhos na extreme emotion, right? *smile*

Basta ngayon, happy ako. I finished everything I have to do.

Sana maging close kami ni Aristae [code name only]. Haaayyy... *lovesigh*

Ah, popup question: Anung english equivalent ng "kilig"? Di ko alam kung paano ko ieexpress yung sarili ko in english pag sinsabi kong kinikilig ako. Anu kaya, "I'm trembling with intense love..."?! bwahahahahaha *rotflmao*

Ay by the way, napaniginipan ng aking kabarkada si Aristae. Abah, siyempre selos ako. Sa panaginip daw niya, hinatak niya si Aristae. Ibig sabihin, nahawakan niya siya. At abah, humihingi daw ng autograph para sa akin. Binigay daw ni Aristae pati cellphone number. At nung tinanong nung kabarkada ko kung PExer siya, ngumiti lang siya. Aaah! Nginitian niya ang friend ko!!! Selos ako to death!!!

Sayang panaginip lang. Kinukulit ko nga kung naalala niya yung number, baka totoo. *lol*

happy girl mode OFF

2002-08-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

*giddy girl mode ON*

I've just discovered that Aristae [code name only] is actually posting in the message board I'm posting in! We share the same thread, the same site, the same page... *screams in delight*

At least, even just in cyberspace, we can be together... *smile*

*giddy girl mode OFF*

2002-08-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

*fatigued narnian girl mode ON*
The play was wonderful!!!! I think my friends weren't able to appreciate it as much as I do, though, partly my fault because I selected a late night slot. But I think they enjoyed it. We went to the PowerPlant Mall after, and had lots of fun watching the extremely exaggerated xXx.

So now I have to go back to my daily routine... Wish I could see another world in my wardrobe door... I want to escape layouting, the dance pro, physics [especially physics]... *sigh*

*fatigued narnian girl mode OFF*

2002-08-20T06:06:00.000-07:00

*hopeless girl mode ON*
I feel so worthless.
I feel I've done nothing to bring happiness to people.
Last time I remembered, I was still good. I helped in any way I can. I didn't have these attacks of selfishness and self-pity.
Where did I go wrong?
I feel I've lived too long.
Too long that I've forgotten to live for others.
Too long that I've forgotten to forget myself.
I should have died before.
I've lived too long. I'm reverting to my selfish side.
I've brought nothing but pain. To others, to myself, to Kuya, the one that matters most.
I've lived too long.
But I'm still afraid to die.
I'm afraid that all my merits are gone and I can't enter heaven.
I'm afraid to be taken away. I'm afraid to leave.
I'm afraid to regret.
Maybe this is the reason why.
But I'm so tired...
I feel I've done nothing right.
I feel so alone.
But I must fight alone. But I'm scared. I'm scared of failing.
I miss the old me.
I wish I could back to who I was.
Kuya, promise to take me the moment my mission is over. Help me not to be afraid anymore. I love you.

*Kuya refers to the Lord.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
THE MIRROR
"Who are you?" I asked the girl in the mirror one day.
She replied:
I am the one you run away from.
I am the one you drape in lifeles jewelry to cover your flaws.
I am the one you starve because of your selfish reasons.
I am your greatest friend.
I am the one you ignore in order to please other people.
I am the one you criticize everyday to find flaws that appear to you only.
I am who I am.
You made me this way.
I am the YOU whom you hide from other people.
You think I'm worthless because you never truly unleashed me.
You were never satisfied with what I can do.
Give me a chance.
I don't think I fully understood her, but I'm willing to try.
*hopeless girl mode OFF*

2002-08-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

*tired girl mode ON*

I can't even sit on a chair normally. My muscles in my legs are aching. I've tried everything, from salonpas to efficascent oil to doing more strenuous exercises. The result: Major pain in my thighs.

I take comfort in the fact that I can walk normally. I still can't come down the stairs without looking like a bouncing jack-in-the-box, but my condition is improving.

Friday nears. I'm glad. =D =D

Test in Trigo and Ekonomiks tomorrow. Must bounce back. Must reabsorb self in the pointless routine of everyday life.

Obsessed with One Last Song. Does everything to listen to it on the radio. Does everything to download it from IRC. Can't download it from IRC. Gets frustrated.

Must memorize Filipino Sagutang Diyalogo. Must make sample headers and footers for layout.

So tired can't even put pronouns.

*tired girl mode OFF*

2002-08-18T06:21:00.000-07:00

*semi-excited girl mode ON*

Okay. bad news first.

I received most of our exams. And my performance sucked big time. I was 4 whole points from the 'safe' score in Physics, my Trigo exam was ridiculous, so was my Ekonomiks exam. My Filipino exam was also stupidity in its most raw form. I guess the only exam I'm proud of is my Music exam, which is not even academic. I got a 91 over 100. I feel so stupid.

I can't connect using my Pacific Internet account. Someone's been hacking us. Our bill skyrocketed to 11,000 pesos from 2,000 pesos. And I get all the blame because I was supposed to check the usage every time I go online. I do. I check it always. But it isn't my fault if that damned hacker still manages to infiltrate the account even if I change passwords countless number of times.

+sigh+... feeling ko mas maraming beses akong umiyak ngayong linggong ito kaysa noong buong taon last year...

On a happier note, though, the scheduled re-viewing of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe is on August 23. It's at 8 pm on Friday. After that, I'll be sleeping over my friend's house. Our dance production is going well, thanks to the choreographer's brilliant mind. Even if my legs are aching to the extent that I can't come down the stairs normally, I'm still willing to participate. After all, this is OUR story.

I guess Friday's the only day I could look forward to.

*semi-excited girl mode OFF*

2002-08-13T00:50:00.000-07:00

*sad girl mode ON*

Do you want to know how I really feel? Then picture this.

You go to a musical play of a book you really love. Before the showing, it was announced that hte popular commercial actor will not perform tonight. You feel disappointed. But you take consolation in the fact that the substitute is the son of a famous singer/actor.

They are introduced in a musical scene. You sit back, warily criticizing each and every word and note. In the back of your mind, the giddy high school girl surfaces. She notices the eldest among the kids, the son of the singer/actor. She gets infatuated. Before act 1 ends, you get infatuated too.

You leave the theater hall with a smile that rivals that of the Grand Canyon. You keep blabbing about his prowess and how good-looking he is. You pester your parents with descriptions and metaphors that they were relieved when you finally went to sleep. You get home at 12 midnight.

The next morniung, you pester your friends to accompany you to see it for the second time. They agree. And then you pester your mom again to buy tickets in advance so you'll have good seats. Using her money. You say you're going to repay her on or before the show.

You cannot take the play out of your mind. You grope for pictures and facts about the cast, You see a picture of the cast in a kid's newspaper. You cut it out and place it in your wallet. Every now and then, you take it out and caress his face, thinking you are touching him too.

In some hopeless moments, you see him having a girlfriend. You see his girlfriend taking him for granted. You imagine ugly things about a girl you never knew.

You remember a moment in the end of the play. While you were standing up and clapping, you caught his eye. He held you gaze for all but three seconds. And then he retreated.

You start to fantasize. You think that those precious three seconds will tell him you are different. You imagine him pulling all resources to know your name. You imagine him shaking the information out of the attendants in the theater. And then when he finally knew your name, his eyes light up. He then shakes other people for your phone number.

After exams, exactly two weeks after you saw him, he calls you. Even when you're drowning in happiness inside, you act indifferent. You tell him he's superb. You tell him he has talent. You tell him you have to go back to schoolwork now. But he doesn't want to put down the phone.

You get calls from him every day. You learn that he has dumped whats-her-face, and is now planning to court you. You play hard to get.

After a particularly grueling day, you come home to find a bouquet of lavender flowers on your bed. You hear the maid saying, "Someone's waiting for you."

You run down the stairs, flowers on one hand and the schoolbooks on the other. You find him in the garden. You wrap your arms about him, and he says the words you long to hear.

And then you wake up. You find yourself in the middle ofg the play, watching him say those lines again. You knw he can never be yours. But you dream. You fantasize. Because that is how you live.

*sad girl mode OFF*

2002-08-05T03:11:00.000-07:00

still hopelessly infatuated girl mode ON

Today I'm experiencing an unnatural high.

It's wonderful, in a way, I guess. I keep on laughing, I let nothing affect me, including this HARD [and I mean HARD] test in Physics. My classmates were already screaming their heads off with frustration. I remain unmoved, lost in my imaginary world.

I carry a picture of him now. His picture is only a newspaper clipping, taken from Junior Inquirer issue of August 23, 2002. Here, he poses with the rest of the cast. *hold the picture to face* He's so beautiful. *sigh*

I'm badgering by friends to accompany me into watching this again. I can't wait to see him again. Though there's a chance of not seeing him [they go in alternates], I'm willing to take the risk. After all, Narnia is permanently lodged in my heart.

A star. That's what he is. What do we do to stars? We admire them. We place so much importance on them. We spend time looking at them, admiring them from afar.

But what do they do in return? Nothing. Just remain as bright as ever, oblivious to everything we do to them in our dreams.

He is a star, I am just a human being, trying to reach him, but never can...

A tiny glimmer of hope, as small as that single atom that holds a structure together, still appears in my heart. Maybe... somehow... some way...

I'm so tired of letting go...

still hopelessly infatuated girl mode OFF

2002-08-03T03:55:00.000-07:00

starstruck girl mode ON

Watched Trumpets The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe last July 31. Unitl now, I can't get over it. I still feel the adrenaline rush, the hairs on my skin standing, the joy the tears, the laughter, the general feeling.

It was wonderful. Simply wonderful.

At first, I was scared because theater, like movies, have a bit of a reputation of not staying all that faithful to the books. But whatever revision Trumpets made on The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, it didn't disappoint me. I didn't leave the theater feeling, "Ano? Yun lang?" nor did I ask for my money back. In fact, I was willing to give them more. [hehehehe]

On other aspects, my friend once said that I never watch anything without having a crush on one of the characters. That's very true. In fact, I also read books AND get a crush on a character.

In the play, I was drawn to one Paolo Valenciano, son of Gary Valenciano. He made Peter human. He WAS Peter. Add that to the fact that I was somewhat infatuated with Peter in the book, it only made my attraction to him greater.

In the play, he was warfreakish, always ready to beat Edmund up. He grabs him by the collar, shakes him, and generally, wants to strangle him at the slightest provocation. Edmund was a small and scrawny kid too. He looked 6 or 7, he never made a mistake, and he sang good [it turned out he was 10, but what the heck].

Imagine my surprise when, after the curtain call, while returning to the dressing room from the stage, Paolo gave Edmund a high-five.

That scene haunts me until now.

I have this wild notion that I may actually be friends with him. I was about 5 meters from the stage, so he can clearly see me. While I was clapping, I thought I saw him looking at me. Siyempre, kilig ako to death.

A girl can dream, can't she? *sigh*

starstruck girl mode OFF

2002-07-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

USELESS INFORMATION

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2. Peanut is one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest one syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula".
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers (from the childrens' show) is an ordained minister.
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the lefthand.
36. There is only one word in the English language that has a completely different meaning depending upon whether or it is capitalized: polish vs. Polish.

2002-07-26T19:56:00.000-07:00
TEST FRENZY ONCE AGAIN!!!

See which Greek Goddess you are.

Which HP Kid Are You?

Harry's pretty cute here... *in love*

Take the Purrsonality Quiz!

i'm beginning to think I'm too soft...

What Was Your PastLife?

:::rotflmao:::

What Spooky Being are You?

kinda looks like the loch ness monster... ::rotflmao:: these tests crack me up.

Which Graduation Girl are you?

one of the more accurate tests...

What Obscure Animal are you?

ang cute cute cute [100x] ng fox!!!!!!!!

2002-07-25T03:09:00.000-07:00

You are Porky Pig!
You are relat...rela... very shy, but you usually try to do what's right. Even though you're an important chara... char... person, you tend to stay in the background and take a supporting role.
Take the What Looney Tunes Character are You? Quiz by contessina_2000@yahoo.com!

many thanks to Joey.

2002-07-25T01:42:00.000-07:00

giddy girl mode ON
Dismissal. There was a desperate dash for the gates, for freedom, to get home, to do homework, assignments, or whatever students do on a tuesday night.

I was one of the unfortunate ones who always get left behind. I always get fetched an hour later than the actual dismissal. So usually, before my waiting period ends, I go insane searching for someone to talk to.

Fortunately today, my classmates were still in school. So we talked, about teachers, studies, answers in the quizzes, answers in the assignments [come on, I know you guys do it too *wink wink*] when suddenly, he came.

He, the object of my affection, the object of my daydreams, my adoration, my happiness. He's a math [just my luck, it's my worst subject] teacher in our school. He's been there since before my first year in high school, and I was smitten with him the first time I saw him. I didn't actually meet him. He didn't become my teacher, which was probably a good thing because I couldn't concentrate in class if he was the teacher anyway.

One of my classmates were telling a corny, albeit hilarious joke, when he materialized at the top of the stairs I'm sitting on. He was staring afar, not noticing [at least, I think he didn't notice] me looking at him.

The world stopped at that moment. My classmate's voice became but a dull throbbing. The footsteps of the students were but whispers on the floor. He moved, almost hopping from one step to another, crossing my direct line of eyesight. His hair was swaying, his gorgeous, beautiful, straight black hair. He walked with confidence that can be mistaken for arrogance, but for me, it was one of his greatest assets.

He disappeared into the crowd. He left me there, staring into space, dreaming about him once again.

giddy girl mode OFF

angry girl mode ON

I'm disgusted. I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm furious! I hate this kind of world!!!

Suddenly, all my idealism vanished as fast as a bubble can pop.

I confess: There are times when parents can be insufferable old people who will always find a way to ruin your life.

Background: I live amidst the slums of Tondo. We are a village of well-to-do people. Naturally, we hire an all-around cook/maid/laundry cleaner. Now, this maid had a child at the same year I was born, only a few months older than I am. It will follow that we became the best of friends.

Now, I'm already 16 and fourth year, dammit! I was going to the xerox copier on the street where many squatters live and I was going to take my best friend with me. It will be our bonding session, sort of our time or catching up with each other's lives.

I get permission from my father. He almost allowed me to go, but when he heard who my companion is, he said I should take someone older, more experienced.

My best friend is the mellow type. Not too bright, though not dumb, either. Just average. We know how to defend for ourselves, and we are both SIXTEEN!!!

Sure, the dangers of the slums, the risk of being with the squatters... and so their sermon goes on. Dangers my ass. They've been living here for 21 years!!! My father even ran for the barangay chairman, and won two consecutive times, and now would have been his third term if we hadn't stopped him. Naturally, people from the slums respect us. they know who I am. They know how powerful my parents are. They know what I can do if they touched one hair from my head. Sure, they can make snide remarks, etceterae etceterae against me, but words from them don't hurt me.

When I learned that, I stood for a long time on the balustrade, looking down. A huge lump was already forming at my throat. Suddenly, my best friend came out from one of the rooms.
"O, malaki iniisip mo ah." She commented cheerfully.
"Oo nga e." I couldn't bear say what my parents thought of her. It would only hurt her. So I went to the balcony and stared at the dark streets, at the trees, at the fence, on whatever my tear-filled eyes can see.

So, I'm sitting now, in front of the computer, instead of taking my time walking through OUR streets. I did not go to the xerox copier anymore. It defeated my greater purpose.

Several minutes ago my father commented, "O, kala ko nagpaxerox ka?"
"Nawalan na ako ng gana" was my reply. I was even SMILING then.
"Bakit?"
"E kasi hindi si Calay ang kasama ko."
He gave me this, "are you up to something, young lady?" look. "O tapos?"
"E kasi nga yun lang yung time para magkwentuhan kami dahil nga sa dami ng ginagawa." Tears were starting to well up. My voice shook.
As if rubbing salt on an open wound, he said, "Aaahh..." in a warning tone of voice. "Ayaw ng mama mo na bumabarkada ka diyan kay Calay ha."
I had to pause for a while, close this rants page, and run to the bathroom. There I cried. I cried for their injustice. I cried because they couldn't understand that Calay is closer to me than any of my siblings. My sister is always on the phone or gone. My brother doesn't care about my personal affairs. My mother is always at work. And what could a father know about the torments of a high school girl? I can't even approach my friends in school, because they don't even know me as long and as much as Calay had.
Finally, I cried because I can't even defend her. Because I know they wouldn't understand.
They would think she's a bad influence. But she's not. If she is, then I wouldn't be what I am now. Can't they see that? Can't they see that my heart is ripped, torn into shreds whenever they say I can't even be with my own best friend?
It hurts so much.

angry girl mode OFF

2002-07-22T03:20:00.000-07:00

*idealistic mode ON*

Today we discussed "Literature and Society" by Salvador Lopez in our English period. Basically, all he did was bash the young writers, categorizing them as doomed, that the heedless young writer leads to either indifference or misanthropy [hatred of the human race]. The professional writer knows how to tackle social, moral, and political issues. He even dared add that some writers who do not write about social, moral, and political ek ek are young [read: immature] writers. What if they just don't want to? I ask. His answer was that I was indifferent, ignorant of the society and its many flaws.

But what if I don't want to? I persistently ask. I imagine him shrugging his shoulders and say that I am a hopeless case.

So, now, when I do not write about socio-political issues, does that mean I am not a professional writer, therefore not a good writer per se?

I beg to differ.

I have a strange feeling though that I have already taken the paths of the heedless young writer: Misanthropy. For evidence, refer to my evil girl mode post. But Mr. Lopez has some good words about writers who embark on this path. He says my situation is not necessarily incurable, that I must have a strong belief in myself and in my principles. That way, I will not succumb to this flaming hatred.

Now that's one point I agree on. Hmmm... principles? What are my principles? that I must believe in myself no matter how hard the trial is. that i must not let myself be hindered by others' criticism. As someone said, "In order not to be criticized, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." that i must overcome past emotional scenes and be ready to face the new light.

I'm almost over him now. I'm beginning to see the dawn break, for it is always darkest before dawn.

*idealistic girl mode OFF*

2002-07-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

*bored mode ON*
I'm bored.

I'm bored out of my mind.

I'm not in the mood to do my sewing project. I can't go out, since it's raining. I can't let myself sit perpetually in front of the computer, I'll run out of things to do. I can't read, because I've read every possible book in this entire shelf .

I want to go out. I want to go to the mall. To the beach. To Luneta. To wherever the hell I can go.

But I can't, because it's raining.

Grrrr...

*bored girl mode OFF*

Grrrr...

2002-07-04T06:05:00.000-07:00
Today is a really slow day.

My ex-crush for six years came bounding by with his scooter again. Yes, that scooter which gives more noise than a hundred nagging old maids put together.

SO far that's the only exciting thing that happened.

See how boring?

2002-07-01T06:10:00.000-07:00

Today I want to introduce you to...

YOUR DARK SIDE:
The dark side of you...
The dark side of the stars we all have that shadow side of ourselves, few see and know about, come on admit it. The truth is sometimes buried deep inside, and few want to know about their own.

CAPRICORN (DEC 22 - JAN 19)
You are rather materialistic and it is fueled by your fears of financial disaster. This makes you complain about monetary woes, irritating many with your obnoxious attitude. You can also be a social climber, manipulating your way up the ladder; name-dropping all the way to the top. Once in a while, you'll have morbid thoughts about Death something that scares you
because you have no control over it. You tend to be obsessive about your
mortality sometimes.

AQUARIUS (JAN 20 - FEB 18)
You tend to be too idealistic and naive sometimes. Practicality gets thrown out of the window by you many times. Cool and aloof, you rarely want to deal with deep emotions. You like to give advice but don't like to receive it. And ideas and inspirations that you sometimes neglect or follow through with them are constantly bombarding you. Or else you are constantly
shifting focus, giving people the idea with no staying power.

PISCES (FEB 19 - MAR 20)
You are an escapist - you have this knack of avoiding issues if they seem unpleasant. You delve into past memories to escape your present woes. There is also a tendency towards alcoholism and even drug abuse - you are on a search for some kind of 'high'. You also love to flirt and too much of it may send the wrong, dangerous signals out to other people. Once in a
while, a dark mood will descend on you and you become rather unsociable and withdrawn.

ARIES (MAR 21 - APR 20)
A warrior at heart, you thrive on challenges and any strife and dramas, you are tempted to stir things up, just to keep yourself happy. You are also rather intolerant of mistakes and don't have patience for weakness or failings in others. And sometimes, you can be quite a snob as well you like to be seen at the right places or wear the right clothes. And you're also prone to bossiness. Your restless nature may make you quit a project suddenly if you can't sustain the interest.

TAURUS (APR 21 - MAY 20)
You are stubborn and like to hold onto things, not wanting to let go of anything or anyone. You are slow to anger, but when you do get worked up to a rage - everyone step aside! You also have a selfish streak and can be quite sneaky as well. And although people may see you as helpful and agreeable, you sometimes have an inner struggle wanting the approval of others
while sticking to your own opinions. You also tend to be suspicious of others and question their motives.

GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUN 21)
Your devil-may-care attitude sometimes could bring harm to yourself -you tend to live on the edge sometimes. Many of you believe that you don't deserve success, somehow feeling guilty for it. You may give others too much of yourself sometimes that you lose yourself. You may be prone to suppressing emotions as well. And at times that makes it difficult for you to
accept affection and love.

CANCER (JUN 22 - JUL 22)
You can get carried away with emotions - your anger is overwhelming and your sadness can depress all those around you. You're also ultra-sensitive to other people's emotions and are affected by these as well. You tend to react before you think and then brood about what you may have done or said wrong. You are also prone to periods of morbidity, thinking dark
thoughts. Feelings of insecurity creep in now and then, making you snappish or else you try to win the approval of everyone at your expense.

LEO (JUL 23 - AUG 22)
On the rare occasion you lose your temper, you can turn into a savage beast. You seem to need an audience as well, to help boost your confidence and ego, sometimes. Other times, you get caught up in the outward dramas of your life that you neglect what you're feeling inside. This results in a delayed reaction when emotions sneak up on you and you get hit with a whammy.
You also tend to be proud and aggressive, cloaking these with your charm. When things don't go your way, you get impatient and may even throw a tantrum.

VIRGO (AUG 23 - SEP 22)
You have a martyr complex, feeling that you were put on this earth to do good work and not receive any credit for it. You tend to be ultracritical of yourself and others and you also worry about things that are beyond your control. A little pessimistic sometimes, you tend to be an intellectual snob. You bottle up all your insecurities and fears, and hesitate to
reach out for help. And once in a while, you become a busybody - that's when you also feel responsible for other people's problems.

LIBRA (SEP 23 - OCT 23)
Your inability to reach a decision in matters of personal action are legendary. You like to weigh all the alternatives and hear every side of an argument - but this may take time and opportunities may pass you by because of it. You also like to expand energy on people who may not deserve it - You want to help the underdog. You are also sensitive to criticism and may take mild statements of fact very personally.

SCORPIO (OCT 24 - NOV 21)
You have a revengeful streak and a long memory for past hurts. Sometimes you're downright spiteful. When you suffer, you make sure others suffer along with you. Sometimes, you may even use deception to get what you want and to influence others to stay out of your way. You may even believe these untruths and unrealistic fears will grow on you. Once in a while, you may
come across someone that just rubs you on the wrong side for no apparent reason and you make it your mission to bury him or her.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
You've got a big mouth and unwittingly hurt an insult people with it. You can even go to utter strangers and give unsolicited advice and comments. You also seem to enjoy verbal duels with others whenever you can. And you sure can make sore losers, even suspecting foul play if things don't go your way. You have a knack for confrontation and you can't resist being
sarcastic. You also don't think too much of many people, because you have a mild superiority complex. Vanity is also a trait in many of you.

*Acknowledgement: Thanks to Aoblue aka Elizabeth Servino for sending me this particular tidbit. ^.~

2002-06-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

*sappy girl mode ON*
IN A RUSH - BLACKSTREET

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

how i try to express
whats been troublin' my mind
but still i cant find the words
but i know that somethings got a hold of me

baby someday ill find a way to say
just what you mean to me
but if that day never comes along
and you dont hear this song
i guess you'll never know

and when i say inside i mean deep
you fill my soul
and thats something i cant explain
its over me

cuz it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside,

This is a song I dedicate to Penny. This is his song for my cousin.

I remember that day too well. We were still friends then. He showed me a rose-shaped CD. It contained this one song.

But it's broken.

I asked him if he could give it to me. Before he could answer, I've already snatched it from his grasp.

And I've slept with it under my pillow ever since.

He gave my cousin a brand new CD. While studying, my cousin and I popped the CD in our player. We listeend to th song for about 5 times. She was practically begging me to stop repeating it, but because the song had grown on me [that was during the time I was smitten with him], I didn't heed her. I tortured myself.

I still do.

I've long since removed the CD from under my pillow. I don't know where it is. But even so, I miss the feel of it under my soft pillow.

I miss talking to him.

I miss him.

Dammit, why can't I stop talking about him?

*sappy girl mode OFF*

Last post for the day. I promise. =D

2002-06-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

WATCH OUT! I'M IN A TEST FRENZY!!!

a href="http://mai.deep-ice.com/quiz.html" target="_blank">

What kind of ANGEL are you?

Quiz made by Angela

TRIVIA ABOUT YOURS TRULY: about a year ago my deepest fondest dream was to be an angel of God. One night, I even cried about it. Until now I can't accept that humans can never be angels of God.

2002-06-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty

You love to be pampered and romanced by your men and things like cuddling by a fire, having an intimate meal, or having a long, deep conversation can always put you in the mood. Sex to you is usually more about the man your with than the act itself. Not a one-night stand kind of girl, newness and disconnectedness just don't do it for you. The mature, stable men you prefer to date appreciate your loyalty and big heart, but they especially love the way you inspire their more aggressive, protective masculine side.

*raises eyebrows thoughtfully Hmmmmm...

NOTE: Many posts for today, don't you think??? ~.^

2002-06-29T06:43:00.000-07:00
Oh, by the way, I took this love test. For fun. I'll comment as I go along.

What kind of person you'll be attracted to in real life situation..
Rabbit - those who has split personality, like cold as ice on the outside, but hot as fire in the heart.

This particular result surprised the hell out of me. How could some stupid test actually know what I want???

the process of courtship, which approach would make you feel irrisistable...
Lion - straight-forward, just tell you he (she) loves you

Wasn't actually THAT suprising, but nevertheless, they guessed good.

What impression you would like to give to your lover...
Cat - stylish

Not so much. I'm wondering what impression would come up if I chose DOG instead though...

What incident would cause you break up with your partner which character you hate most...
Crocodile - ruthless, cold-blooded, ironic

It actually took me several rereadings before I got the meaning of the question.
And I still don't get it. But I think I have the gist of it. I think what the question would like to say is what attitude I do not want my significant other to put on when he's breaking up with me. And the result has it right!

What kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner...
Horse - both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept

This is also correct. Still, I'm wondering what if I chose the other choices.

Would you commit adultery...
Human - you care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage

*laughs I'm a good girl. *laughs again*

What do you think about marriage...
White Tiger - you think of marriage is a precious thing, once you get married, you'll treasure it and your partner very much

I think the question here was "If you have the power to tame anything in the world, what would it be?" Among the choices were the white tiger, dinosaur and the polar bear. I chose the polar bear first but changed my mind. I wonder what the would the result be if I stuck to it. Nevertheless, the assessment was correct.

At this moment, what do you think of Love...
Pigeon - you think of love as a committment for both parties

Again correct, but again I wonder what if I choose the other choices...

So, that's that. In case you want to take DA TEST, click .

2002-06-29T06:27:00.000-07:00

*evil girl mode ON*
I have decided to lose weight.

hears "what? why? what's your weight?" in the background.

I am about 20 pounds overweight.

Which makes me less than attractive.

I have a very very bad reason for losing weight.

I want to put men down on their collective faces.

And since you do not know me [ha ha ha] you cannot forewarn men about me. I trust my friends not to let in on my secrets. And this is my secret. It shall remain so because you do not know me therefore you do not know whose secret I am divulging now.

Bwahahahahahhaha.

I have decided to humiliate men once and for all. It is a lose-lose situation for them, actually. If they do not notice me even if I lose weight, they shall prove their ineptitude that they truly ONLY go for beauty and body [i am not beautiful. it's an accepted fact. i'm not fishing!!!]. If they notice me, and fall head over heels in love with me, then they shall still prove their ineptitude, because I'll know that they go for body and beauty only. [i truly believe my appearance will improve if I lose weight]

Of course, there are people who would try to kiss my a** saying that they liked me for my attitude, that I'm so kind, nice, boring...

Duh.

I don't think it will fit well in my plans. Because what if I actually love them back?

So now I'm still debating. SHould I push through, or not?

But I'm still going to lose weight. I'm having some problems with my back because of it.

evil girl mode OFF

2002-06-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

According to the SelectSmart.com Belief System Selector, my #1 belief match is Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants.
What do you believe? Visit SelectSmart.com/RELIGION

Yet I am a Roman Catholic... Hmmmm....

2002-06-26T06:38:00.000-07:00
I post in this message board for Filipinos. One of us came up with a very good question.

Are good-looking guys with good hearts extinct?

My answer is a resounding YES!!!

A very good answer is: GLGWGH [good-looking guys with good hearts] are either gay or taken.

My answer is: GLGWGH look for women as good-looking as them.

No one chooses brains over beauty.

The not-so-good-looking have no place in this discriminating society.

Stereotypes! Heck, look at those commercials! They always get people with straight hair, fair omplexion and chinky eyes! HELLO?! Anyone there? Filipinos are brown-skinned, dammit! White-skinned people from other people devote their time and sweat to toasting under the sun, while people with color spend their time and sweat closeted in their room, afraid to go out!!

This leads me to postulate: A girl/guy is good-looking ONLY if they get subjected to different skin pigments. If he/she is tanned at one moment, fair-complexioned the next year or so, and can still remain gorgeous, then he/she really is worth goggling your eyes over.

2002-06-24T03:26:00.000-07:00

Which Kiss Are You?

I'm beginning to hate this side of me...

2002-06-24T03:03:00.000-07:00
Today I met up with a guy I'll conveniently call Penny. He's nice, with great hair, great body [thin. I have a thing for thin people], and fair-complexioned. If he wasn't slouching, I stand barely past his shoulder. That's how tall he is.

By the way, Penny is my cousin's boyfriend. Keep that in mind as you read on.

Anyway, I consider Penny as a friend. Before. Now I see him as an acquaintance, an added number in my phone book. This is our story.

We met December 29, 2001, and we did have jolly good fun! We met in this mall with a small theme park, so we were just running around then, trying on which rides were the best. We all agreed unanimously on the bumper cars.

He found me as a convenient friend, someone who might lead him closer to my cousin. Only, I do believe that it went beyond that. We traded compliments, wishes, dreams, and hopes. It became our daily ritual to text each other at 10:00 - 11:00 at night. We talked about anything and everything, from Harry Potter books to my poetry. He even went to the extent of calling me especially when his problems with my cousin became too heavy. I remember a time when I woke up at 6:00 am just to wish him good luck in his exams.

About two months ago, he just... stopped. He didn't text me anymore, nor did he inform me why he didn't. I just learned from my cousin's brother that he was trying to limit his texting, since his bill skyrocketed to 5,000 after texting me, our mutual friend, my cousin and my cousin's brother.

I accepted that excuse. I waited for him to text me again. I waited. And waited, and waited. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted him, inviting him to catch up on lost time. After about two or three answers, he stopped. So I waited again.

Each time I look at my phone and find it message-less, my spirits plummet down. Each time I go to bed at 11:00 at night I look at my cell. No message. I sleep with an aching chest, and wake up with a heavy heart.

That was when I stopped to hope. I figured that if I stop to hope, then there's less chance I'll get hurt.

Oh, did I mention that I became infatuated with him for a while? Thought so.

So now, I just greet him with my usual smile, reserved for people who are not so close to me.

I forgot the bond. I forgot the elation of receiving his message. I forgot those nights when he waited for me to go home. I forgot the feeling of happiness when he praised my poems. I forgot to love. I forgot to hope.

2002-06-22T06:05:00.000-07:00
In the midst of all the chaos in this world, I stop to hope.

Life became too busy to hope... and to get hurt.

I envy the people who have experienced the love of the opposite sex for them. Especially when they love them too much they're willing to die for them. Some people feel awkward about this, and most people take it for granted.

If only they knew how it is yearned by other people.

Scenarios I have participated in:
1.) Bump car hell: A couple sits on the same car, maneuvering the same wheel, laughing together. I sit alone on my car, trying to bump as many people as I could with all the vengeance in my heart.
2.) Stuffed toy frenzy: I walk idly in the mall and come to a popular sealer of cute stuffed toys. I see guys in various shapes and sizes, buying stuffed toys for their significant others. I get a stuffed toy too, but from my girl best friend.
3.) Sweet words: They call each other buttercup, love, angel, baby, and what other things people come up with to make it sound like they're waiting for the ants to crawl on them. I listen attentively, making faces and looking quite disgusted with what they're saying. Deep down my heart wrenches from its aorta bit by bit.
4.) Fireworks: I look up at the sky, staring at the eautiful, bright fireworks illuminating the whole night. My cousin remarks that it's better to watch fireworks with a significant other. I feel a cold draft, and for one of the many times in my life I feel the space next to me empty.
5.) Empty hands: Got a text quote that the reason why there are gaps in between fingers is because your significant other's going to fill it with his own fingers. I look at my fingers, and they are empty. I move my other hand closer, and both hands clasp each other.

There are many more, but I can't think of them right now.

Find your emotion!

This is nice. I think it's true, too. Many thanks to our Ed-In-Chief. =D